Protecting Your Energy

April 6, 2026

In June of 2018, I told my superintendent that if I could retire, I would.

I loved my job — teaching, running an innovative lab school — but I had reluctantly taken on the role of director while still teaching, and it had beaten me down. The arthritis in my hip had become excruciating, and on top of the job fatigue, had left me empty. Nothing left in the tank.

That August, I was supposed to visit friends in Thailand and do some solo traveling there and in Malaysia. I almost cancelled the trip.

But I went. I survived the 24 hours of plane travel — somehow — and arrived in Bangkok.

Physically, the trip was a remarkable rejuvenation. Daily Thai massage — which combines deep tissue work with a yoga-like stretching by the masseuse — lots of walking and hiking, great fresh food, and good sleep left me feeling 20 years younger by the end.

But what captivated me more was the Thai version of Buddhism and their mantra of “sabai sabai” — it is what it is. A reminder that we need to accept what is beyond our control and focus on what we can: this moment, and our own words and deeds.

I returned to school and shared my new mantra with my colleagues. They loved it — it became our team mantra for the year. When things hit the fan — which they frequently did — we quickly identified what we could control, took action, and let the rest just be. Sabai sabai.

This new mindset allowed me to put better boundaries in place and focus on protecting my energy. I couldn’t control the crises and obligations that came with the job, but I could control where I focused my attention — and making sure I took time to recharge, rest, and laugh. When I had control of my time, I focused on my teaching and life-coaching the students, keeping the director part of the job in its box.

The hip held up for a few years before eventually needing to be replaced — but that’s a story for another day.

I had received a powerful reminder of a lesson I’d learned before but never quite held onto: protect your energy. When the pandemic hit less than two years later, that mindset would be tested — and it held.

When COVID hit and we went fully remote, I knew a virtual environment could tear down the walls between work and personal life. I needed to ground myself. So I started daily walks to end the school day and create a separation — caring for my body, spending time in nature, staying connected to the water I was lucky enough to live on. Every day, without exception.

Not protecting your energy has a high cost — exhaustion, burnout, fraying relationships, and a slow erosion of the joy and purpose that make life worth showing up for.

So let’s talk about what’s actually going on.

When most of us think about energy, we think physical — tired versus rested. But energy is more than that. It’s mental, emotional, and spiritual too. We’re all energy, on some level — our cells, our brains, the way we connect to each other. You’ve felt it: some people you’re drawn to immediately, others leave you wanting to back away. Some conversations drain you more than a five-mile run. That’s not a metaphor. That’s your energy responding to the world around it.

Think of it like a budget. Energy flows in and flows out. The problem for most of us is that we’re much better at spending it than recharging it — and we’re often spending it in places that offer almost nothing in return.

What Drains You

People pleasing is one of the biggest energy drains there is — and one of the least talked about. When you’re people pleasing, you’re performing. You’re wearing a mask, reading body language, trying to anticipate what everyone around you needs so you can deliver it before they ask. Think about how exhausting it is to be an actor in a play. Now imagine doing that all day, every day, with everyone in your life. That’s what people pleasing costs you — mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

During COVID, researchers found that one of the main reasons Zoom was so exhausting was that our brains are constantly scanning for visual cues — facial expressions, body language, the full three-dimensional presence of another person. On a screen, you get a fraction of that information, and your brain works overtime trying to fill in the gaps. People pleasing works the same way. You’re running that scan constantly, on everyone, all day. It’s not sustainable.

Doom scrolling is another one. These devices are built brilliantly to grab and hold your attention — that’s the commodity, your attention — and half an hour disappears before you realize what happened. Worse, the content is often designed to make you angry or afraid. You’re not just losing time. You’re actively letting your emotional energy be manipulated.

Conflict avoidance drains you slowly but relentlessly. Every difficult conversation you don’t have becomes a weight you carry. The resentment builds. The anxiety builds. You’re spending energy on avoidance that would cost far less if you just had the conversation — with empathy, with curiosity, as a problem to solve together rather than a battle to win.

A lot of what drains us isn’t even ours to solve. We spend enormous energy worrying about things we can’t control — the past we can’t change, the future we can’t predict, the news, other people’s choices, outcomes we can’t influence. Stephen Covey called this the circle of concern. Inside it sits everything you care about. But inside a smaller circle — the circle of control — sits only what you can actually do something about: your words, your actions, this moment. Every hour spent outside that inner circle is an energy leak. Sabai sabai isn’t resignation. It’s a decision about where your energy is worth spending.

Carrying what isn’t yours is another quiet drain. There’s a difference between empathy and taking on someone else’s emotional load. When you cross that line — when you go from understanding someone’s pain to absorbing it — you’re expending energy on something you often can’t do anything about. That’s not compassion. That’s martyrdom.

And then there’s saying yes when you mean no. Most of us have done it more times than we can count. Every yes that should have been a no is a withdrawal from your energy account that you didn’t authorize.

The common thread through all of it: unclear or absent boundaries. That’s ultimately what we’re talking about.

What Recharges You

The good news is that the same logic works in reverse. Just as certain things drain your energy, certain things restore it — and most of them are simpler than you’d think.

Clear boundaries are the foundation. And here’s the part most people miss: a boundary you don’t enforce isn’t a boundary. It’s a wish. If someone keeps yelling at you and you keep staying in the room, you haven’t set a boundary — you’ve set an expectation you’re not willing to back up. A real boundary sounds like: “If this continues, I’m going to calmly leave the room and come back in twenty minutes when we can both talk.” And then you leave. Every time. That’s a boundary.

Movement restores you. A daily walk — even thirty minutes — is probably one of the best things you can do for your physical, mental, and emotional energy. Especially outside. Especially near water or trees. I’ve rarely regretted a walk.

Quiet restores you. And so does boredom — which we’ve nearly engineered out of our lives entirely. Every moment of silence gets filled with a phone. But quiet gives your subconscious time to process. It calms your nervous system. It creates the conditions for insight. Next time you reach for your phone out of habit, try not reaching for it. See what happens.

Meaningful connection restores you. Not scrolling through other people’s lives — actually being present with people you care about. Game nights with my family are one of my most reliable sources of recharging. Full presence, laughter, no phones (mostly!). I can still feel the energy from a good weekend days later.

Purposeful work restores you. I volunteer at a homeless shelter in Boston once a week. It can be physically tiring. But I leave more full than I arrived. There’s something about contributing to something larger than yourself that restores what the drainers take.

Sleep, food, water — these aren’t optional. If your physical foundation is compromised, everything else is harder. When I’m really taking care of my sleep — consistent bedtime, consistent wake time, no phone after a certain hour — my energy and focus are noticeably better. It matters more than most of us want to admit.

And reading. Not scrolling — reading. Books, depth, sustained attention. It does something different to your brain. It recharges mental energy rather than draining it.

The Toolkit

Knowing what drains and recharges you is a start. But knowing isn’t enough. Here are the practices that actually make the difference.

The pause. You can’t always control what happens to you or your initial emotional response to it. But you can pause before you react. Before you pick up your phone — pause. Before you say yes to something — pause. Before you respond to the thing that just triggered you — pause. In that space, you get to choose. That choice is where your energy is either protected or given away.

Know your circles. When something is draining you, ask: is this in my circle of control? If yes — act. If no — practice letting it be. That’s not giving up. That’s protecting your energy for the things that actually respond to it.

Filters. Figure out your biggest drains and build a conscious catch for them. Feel the people-pleasing impulse rising? “Nope — people-pleasing-free zone.” Notice yourself absorbing someone else’s emotional load? Catch it before it lands. The filter works with the pause — you pause, then you ask: is this actually mine to carry? More often than not, it isn’t.

One concrete commitment. Not a resolution, not a list. One thing. I recently signed up for a guitar lesson. I’ve been trying to learn for thirteen years, mostly off. When I play consistently, I feel different than I do doing almost anything else. That’s not a coincidence. That’s my energy telling me something. What’s yours telling you?

Protecting your energy isn’t selfish. It's how you show up for everything that matters. You can’t show up fully for the people and the work that matter most to you if you’re running on empty.

Sabai sabai. Focus on what you can control. Let the rest be.

Your energy is precious. Choose where it goes.